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The Angel of the Scary Night

February 4, 2015

Angel of the Scary Night

Scary Night.

I have been back in the dale of scary feelings and mistrust.

I was in a cancer control

and the positive thing is that they didn’t found anything alarming,

no changes in tissues,


one of my lymphs was a bit more swallowed than normally.

Directly, they wanted to punctuate it.

I had an instant and strong intuition to not to allow it.

– Not to destroy anything.

It was just one month after the last operation

and this lymph lies directly in the operation area.

She, the doctor I never met before,

basically told me that I was stupid if I don’t let them to punctuate that lymph.

She said it in a way, that I felt threatened:

you never know if you have cancer.

Even if I know that lymphs work hard after a lipotransplantation,

and that they may be swollen,

I felt miserable.

I just can’t trust that I’ve been taken care of

– with professionalism and without making malpractices.

Five days later I got a call from an oncology doctor,

one more person I’ve never talked before with,

and she confirmed, that they (a group of doctors)

also think it was an good idea not to punctuate that lymph…

Oh my God.

I got depressed.

Not happy that I had been right,

No, so sorry that they lack expertise,

and that they are so keen to make holes in me,

tear me in pieces – as I literally or even physically feel it.

It turns my stomach upside town every time I think about it.

…and I have to meet them again, about 6 weeks.


I’ve been paralysed.

This incident was like “the straw that breaks the camel’s back“.

I didn’t want to post anything,

even though I have been working with several paintings at the same time.

I feel vulnerable.

That’s quite strange, I should be happy,

I’m still here.

I don’t know.

This painting is hopeful.

I’s like the journey through the dark valley,

and I try to remember:

Yea, thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil;

for thou art with me;

Thy rod and thy staff,

they comfort me.

Ps. 23:4


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Heather Kopp

Words fail, but sometimes I try

Steve McCurry's Blog

Steve's body of work spans conflicts, vanishing cultures, ancient traditions and contemporary culture alike - yet always retains the human element.

70 Degrees West

an environmental and humanitarian photo-documentary project from pole to pole along 70º west longitude

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