Children’s Play

We are on our way towards the light, the light of life.

***

This painting tells about trust,

about childish self confidence, based on trust in God.

***

I’ll explain.

I visited the hospital once again.

I’m preparing for my coming surgery on Friday.
I met the anaesthesia nurse, and we went through all necessary details.

I have met her before the previous surgeries.

As soon as we met, she said:
Oh,  how well and hale you look!

I thanked her, and told that I had been working with my fears.

She said:

I can see that you have succeed well,
There is no concerns and fears in your eyes any more.

*

I Sweden you don’t talk about religion or your faith in God,
so I didn’t tell her about my journey of fears, through pain and agony,
and about focused and envisioned prayers.
I just said, that I have used some kind of mental program to heal myself.

In her opinion, my technique had been very successful,

as it was not a long time ago when I met her last time.
At that time, I was sweating in a panic every single time I even approached the hospital area.
She found it unusual to get rid of that kind of strong panic so quickly and effectively.

*

Well, yes, I think even I’m surprised.

*

But mostly I’m thankful.

It was terrible to have that fear, to panic all the time.

*

As I see it, It is possible to choose a highway from negative behaviour.

That is possible with prayers, at least.

***

*

I have been thinking about “childishness”.

There are many elements that are very similar with having faith and being child.

My way away from fears started with awareness of my limits.

I had to admit, that I have very limited control over my life.

Everything else is illusion.

*

I have been broken.

Still, I have wishes and desires,

but in the end of the day,

I’m not the One who rules over my life.

I can accept and adapt, and give in,

change perspective,

but the fact is:

there will always be hardships,

as well as there will be success and happiness.

I can’t choose what kind of losses I have to go through.

*

To find some kind of balance, I have to have an open heart as a child.

My eyes have to be open to see new things.

I have to be able to trust, to learn, to adapt.

I can’t desire authority, I have to be willingly dependent on God.

“Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matt. 6:10)

My heart has to be free from wickedness,

no blame or dishonest,

just humbleness.

*

As we know, it’s said in Bible:

“Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
“And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me;
but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble,
it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck,
and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

Matt. 18:4-6

*
These qualities are essential, and important,
and we should not destroy them
even though we get older and get hurt.

*
The key issue in overcoming fears,
in my opinion,  is that we are willing to turn our eyes to God,
willing to give up our ego,
and
willing to pray, to pray a bit more, and pray again.
Focused and envisioned prayers have given me inner peace and balance.
I can’t know how long this effect will last,
but I’ll continue praying.
*
Like this little boy, my prayers have turned my way towards light:
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said,
“I am the light of the world.
If you follow me,
you won’t have to walk in darkness,
because you will have the light that leads to life.”

John 8:12

*
I don’t know the result of this operation.
I know that there will be some more surgeries after this one.

It will be painful,
they can’t give me any type of morphine, so we’ll see how I cope with it.

There are plenty of things to be worried about,
but I choose not to.
I’ll concentrate on Light instead.

*

My bike is tiny, my strength is limited, but I’m willing to try.

Towards the Light.

*

 

 

 

 

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