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Trust and Health

January 15, 2014

OurLady

When I am afraid,
I put my trust in you.

*

A lot has happened between this post and the previous one.

*

I have got my results and they were good results!

I’m really thankful –

even though I can’t see the whole picture yet.

*

I have to decide if I want to take an additional hormonal therapy for 5 years.
My physical condition with all different problems is a big issue,
because hormone blockers have severe side effects,
such as a possibility to get a uterine cancer.

This “therapy” can worsen my vascular decease,
as well as aggravate rheumatic and abdominal disorders…
and cause even more problems for my lever and mucous membranes.
And, in addition to all this, it will artificially put me in menopause,
with all the symptoms that this condition comes with.

*

Well, as you can see, I have some issues to think about.

But, this isn’t actually a problem.
The biggest challenge is NOT TO BE AFRAID.

As I have said before, cancer is always connected to fears:
Anxiety and horror about death, pain, sickness itself, life quality and different treatments.

Cancer is unpredictable.
a Terrorist, who can attack you anywhere and anytime.

You really can’t know.

*

There are no guarantees,

neither with this additional therapy nor any other medicine.

*

There is only one question:

Is my choice based on logical reasons and trust, or do I choose because of a fear?

If I’m lead by a fear, there is never enough logical evidence to calm down me.

I will always be worried and live in a fear.

If I lack trust, I will continue to be anxious.

Under that kind of circumstances, I will get sick again.

*

I can’t allow myself to be a marionette, driven by fears.

I am thankful

just because I am here and now.

I am thankful for all your prayers and beautiful thoughts.

That is something I want to concentrate on,

and on life itself.

*

I have been painting and using some new techniques.

Contemplation, praying and painting connects with God.

For you have delivered me from death
    and my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before God
    in the light of life.

Ps 56:3,13

*

From the distance, I hear a soft voice.
It talks individually to all of us:

I will take care of you, my child.
Reach out your hand,
I will lead you to a new path.

I have watched your journey all the time,
I designed it especially for you.

Each stone, you fell over,
every setback, you met.

You feel that you have just been stumbling.

But, My Dearest one,

You have been brave,

despite of your weakness,
you have not given up.

I can not promise you an easy path,
but I promise to be there with you.

I will give you a lot of Joy
Wealth and Love,
but not always according your expectations.

Still, You can be assured,

You are safe.

Come, and follow me,

in light of life.

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