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A Stupid Fear?

November 8, 2013

I have a serious fear for hospitals.

It causes me agony to think about my coming operation.

My cancer has brought and old trauma to daylight:

couple of years ago my appendix burst because of a malpractice.

********

I had a terrible pain on the right side of my stomach,

I had a high fever and CRP was way over 150.

I was taken in to a hospital (MAS) in Southern Sweden.

Bud they didn’t want to check my appendix – even though I asked for it several times.

They wanted to operate my bile instead (which was not inflamed).

I refused, and they send me home.

I tried to get in to two other hospitals, but they refused. – I should have gone back to the first one.

After several days in pain, my stomach transformed to some kind of big stone.

No pains any more, but really high fever.

I went back to hospital, the first one, and this time they seemed to be serious with me.

I had had a ‘burst appendix‘ for several days and my CRP ( C-reactive protein) was then close to 400.

I had for example e-coli bacteria in my abdomen.

They made a hole to my stomach and tried to get “the disaster” out of me, and gave me strong antibiotics.

I survived.

***********

All this comes back now,

and some moments

I have a really sick feeling,

that this cancer is easier to live with,

that  getting through an operation…

It’s not true – I know.

But I panic.

About every fifth minute.

***********

Today’s pilgrimage was an really early trip to archipelago in Stockholm.

I didn’t sleep well or enough,

and I couldn’t even eat breakfast.

I just drove away.

For me, is this beautiful nature is like a huge church.

*******

I really have to find other things to think about.

My oldest daughter is very found of Johnny Depp.

Making art calms down me, so why not to draw a pirate on her shirt?

Depp

He is not the type of Icon I usually paint, but  Captain Jack Sparrow and Pirates of Caribbean are fan

– quite far away my thoughts of cancer 🙂

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Heather Kopp

about grief, grace, and recovery from addiction

Steve McCurry's Blog

Steve's body of work spans conflicts, vanishing cultures, ancient traditions and contemporary culture alike - yet always retains the human element. www.stevemccurry.com

70 Degrees West

an environmental and humanitarian photo-documentary project from pole to pole along 70º west longitude

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