Life is beautiful
even though I don’t understand it.
It’s like the Angel in this painting,
Astonishing and overwhelmingly luminous and beautiful.
I just have to be able to see it.
My life changes all the time
and it feels that I can’t plan the outcomes of my decisions…
My surgery went well.
I still can’t know the result of it,
I can only trust that it’s heading on the right direction.
I lay on my bed in a rental apartment in the central Helsinki.
I hear seagulls skreaming outside,
and the sun is shinig.
I feel a bit alone.
My family is far away
as well as my friends.
I’m not hurting and I should rest for a while.
I just can’t.
I listen to the people who are working outside,
they speak my language.
I recognize the tempo and calmness in their conversation,
It remids me of my childhood:
Simple and easy communication between people
who chare their every day duties with each other.
I’d like to be a part of this society,
But I feel as an outsider.
Laying in the bed, trying to stretch my legs.
What a strange feeling:
Tired, but not enough.
Visiting my home country,
But not quite feeling at home…
…and the angel of the Lord appeares,
and the glory of the Lord shines round about us:
and we shouldn’t be afraid.
But let all those that take refuge in thee rejoice,
Let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them:
Let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee.
I’m living through days of haze
– and hope.
I’ll be operated once more tomorrow,
This time in Finland.
I’m in Helsinki
The sun is shining and there is spring in the air.
I choose not to think about all malpractises I’ve gone through,
I try not to think about anything at all,
Just to take tomorrow as it comes.
– And accept the results as well.
I try to catch hopefullness
and stay in that feeling,
Counting on that good things do hapen.
There are hidden blessings everywhere.
Only need to be patient – or find a right perspective to look at things.
For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters,
and that spreadeth out her roots by the river,
and shall not see when heat cometh,
but her leaf shall be green;
and shall not be careful in the year of drought,
neither shall cease from yielding fruit.
We live in a time of changes,
this period is significant for the whole mankind.
Many decisions are made,
and only a few make those.
These Angels come with the light of peace and tranquillity.
Each and every prayers are heard,
and we need to ask for peace and wisdom for all decision-makers,
to help the leaders in different countries.
And the Angels will come,
providing more conscious and sighted decisions,
creating peace and harmony among all of us.
There is something quite familiar in these words:
Beloved, no new commandment write I unto you,
but an old commandment which ye had from the beginning:
the old commandment is the word which ye heard.
Again, a new commandment write I unto you,
which thing is true in him and in you;
because the darkness is passing away,
and the true light already shineth.
He that saith he is in the light and hateth his brother,
is in the darkness even until now.
He that loveth his brother abideth in the light,
and there is no occasion of stumbling in him
But he that hateth his brother is in the darkness,
and walketh in the darkness,
and knoweth not whither he goeth,
because the darkness hath blinded his eyes.
1. John. 2:7-11
I have been back in the dale of scary feelings and mistrust.
I was in a cancer control
and the positive thing is that they didn’t found anything alarming,
no changes in tissues,
one of my lymphs was a bit more swallowed than normally.
Directly, they wanted to punctuate it.
I had an instant and strong intuition to not to allow it.
– Not to destroy anything.
It was just one month after the last operation
and this lymph lies directly in the operation area.
She, the doctor I never met before,
basically told me that I was stupid if I don’t let them to punctuate that lymph.
She said it in a way, that I felt threatened:
you never know if you have cancer.
Even if I know that lymphs work hard after a lipotransplantation,
and that they may be swollen,
I felt miserable.
I just can’t trust that I’ve been taken care of
– with professionalism and without making malpractices.
Five days later I got a call from an oncology doctor,
one more person I’ve never talked before with,
and she confirmed, that they (a group of doctors)
also think it was an good idea not to punctuate that lymph…
Oh my God.
I got depressed.
Not happy that I had been right,
No, so sorry that they lack expertise,
and that they are so keen to make holes in me,
tear me in pieces – as I literally or even physically feel it.
It turns my stomach upside town every time I think about it.
…and I have to meet them again, about 6 weeks.
I’ve been paralysed.
This incident was like “the straw that breaks the camel’s back“.
I didn’t want to post anything,
even though I have been working with several paintings at the same time.
I feel vulnerable.
That’s quite strange, I should be happy,
I’m still here.
I don’t know.
This painting is hopeful.
I’s like the journey through the dark valley,
and I try to remember:
Yea, thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
for thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff,
they comfort me.
Miracles do happen.
For at certain times an angel of the Lord
would go down into the pool and stir up the water.
And the one who stepped in first
after the stirring of the water
was healed of whatever disease he had.
Angels main task is to praise God and to act as his messengers.
I didn’t know that there is so many different types of angels,
or that they are so many.
This last year has opened my eyes to see parts of the God’s kingdom
I didn’t know to exist at all.
I have seen angels to perform a variety of actions in accordance with the will of God.
They have even helped me.
It has been a wonderful gift to get to communicate with them.
It has given me strength, happiness and inner peace.
It has balanced my logical work and given me inspiration.
By asking me to pray more,
and pray together,
they have made God’s will to happen and miracles has occurred.
Certain experiences are planned to happen to us,
as it’s written
Behold, I send an Angel before thee,
to keep thee in the way,
and to bring thee into the place which I have prepared.
2 Ex. 23:20
Losses and pain cannot be avoided, but
He shall give his angels charge over thee,
to keep thee in all thy ways.
They shall bear thee up in their hands,
lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.
Psalm 91: 11-12
This beautiful Angel came to me
when I was wondering about my way through this difficult period.
I was thinking about the miracles that happen to other people,
but not me.
I was showed how wrong I was.
There have been miracles happening all the time,
I was pinpointed several occasions in my life
where God’s hand has kept me in the right way – in accordance with His will.
I have been impatient,
and I still am.
But, nevertheless, miracles do happen.
Deathly sick people can be cured and wounds can disappear.
I didn’t happen with me, but I’ve seen it happen.
The answer is the connection between us and God,
and relying on it by praying together.
In a moment, the Angels of God can bring healing
and the Holy Spirit will fulfil us
– as it happened in the time of the Apostles.
This year is special,
This year is blessed.
I listen to the fireworks outside,
However, it’s peaceful and quiet inside the house.
Children are already sleeping, after a long day outdoors.
It has been colder than – 20 Celcius, but today,
The weather was really nice, just couple of minus degrees.
I have spend a lot of time in the kitchen,
we have baked traditional finnish pasteries, cinnamon buns and cakes.
This christmas has been wonderful, in particular, if I compare it to the last one.
This year I have found the Christmas spirit in everyday chores,
In meetings with relatives,
In moments when we do different things together.
It has become clear to me
How much and how many ways we can be helped by angels.
And as always,
We just have to ask for help.
This beautiful Angel came with Christmas spirit for me.
In real life, I don’t know the landscape in the painting,
but my heart recognizes it,
It feels like home.
When I look at the painting, I feel safe and calm:
I belong there in some way…
I wish you all
a blessed and peaceful New Year 2015.
Wonderful Christmas Angels
There are a great number of luminous Christmas Angels
who come with light
and Christmas Spirit.
They bring balls of light into our homes,
This light is a blessing and gives us peaceful feeling
– if we will.
That light is pure love, entering into our lives,
as a special gift for us during the Christmas time.
The purpose of this painting was to show the contrast between the darkness around us
and the light we are allowed to receive from Heavenly Angels.
Even though we are not able to see it,
We surely can feel it.
I wish you all
A lot of light from Heaven,
Blessings from Angels
and Peaceful Christmas.
In Scandinavia we celebrate Saint Lucy’s Day in Advent time, on the 13th of December. St. Lucy’s Day is celebrated mostly in Scandinavia, but also in Italy, Kanada and USA.
At least in Norway, Sweden and in Finland, on the St. Lucy’s Day, there is usually a young woman, who is dressed in a white dress and a red sash (as the symbol of martyrdom), and she wears a crown or wreath of candles on her head.
Lucia enters into the darkness, bringing light with her. She is followed by a procession who sings Advent songs and psalms.
My youngest daughter was chosen to be the Lucia of her school. They had a beautiful St. Lucy’s Day ceremony at the church close to us.
It was early in the morning, Before the sun had even risen. The morning was cold. It had been a frosty night. We waited outside our old church. It’s a small church, originally from early 1100’s. Whitewashed, with a shingle roof.
When we entered into the church, wax candles fluttered in the wind and it smelled lightly tar inside. It was quite dark.
Children arrived in procession and sang beautifully the song for St. Lucia. My daughter was pretty serious, she had a candle in her hand and a luminous crown on her head.
Children stood beside the altar. They sang several songs and hymns – so harmoniously and beautifully.
I thought about last Christmas. I was in totally different place – and it was not a good one.
Now I’m thankful to be here. To exist. To get to share this moment with my loved ones.
To sit on this old bench, to feel alive.
Cancer is a chock.
Some of us have more time to live after it,
some, unfortunately, less.
I’m just happy to be here.
With all my physical problems,
and every day issues,
just be here.
Darkness shall soon pass away, from the deep lightless valleys. She comes with a lovely message from the rosy sky, Saint Lucy,
and a new day will rise again.
St. Lucy’s Day in Mora in Sweden:
There are so many beautiful and powerful Angels around us in Christmas time!
After the surgery, I’ve been painting couple of them.
And, at all times, it’s a pleasure to work with them and have this kind of opportunity to meet them.
But, the most important:
Thank you for your warm thoughts and prayers!
I felt calm before operation, it was comfortable to wake up and I’ve been recovering quite well – at least I feel so.
Operation went well, but, I have to be operated again later.
So, that mission is not completed yet.
The message from this Angel is
that we all can have peace in our hearts,
and serenity in our souls.
During Christmas time there are more Angels than usually around us.
They are waiting for to help us.
Prayer of the day:
send me and my family
an Angel to help us to communicate
both with each other and with You.
send us an Angel,
Who comes with peace and serenity,
filling our hearts with trust and joy.
Thank you for all the gifts we receive from You,
Every single day.